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#74747 - 03/10/10 06:35 PM Disguised In Disfigurement
Killa4nia Offline
NotUrType
Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 1522
Loc: 408



Disguised In Disfigurement
The tone of her silhouette
indulges darkness, as the
diameter of my pupils dialate to
fixate on her widening hips,
her thighs grip,
a rush of lust dances in my veins,
forming masquerades fit to
entertain the eager breath that
sways dramatically between the kiss

our kiss,
like a dream undiscovered,
dressed in a design to distract, but my
eyes move rapidly through disfigurement,
as I find the absolute in the truth your
skin bares, scars to ward off the
hardened stares;
so

alone, you lie uncared for; but
I can bare your body beyond the images,
for my vision of you is
untouched by judgement,
I wish you to unshelter your grace
remove you face and learn to
chase what you are afraid of ....

I chase with my tongue, unraveling
tight words you spoke to hide nerves
too unsteady to become real,
I kiss your skin 'til it's healed,
'til you are unscatched by the
fear of being loved for only your beauty;
unshield you from the
heavy exterior you wear
to ward off the
hardened stares

your beauty reflects a glare,
yet I soften my eyes,
my touch, and my pace

and love you before I see your real face

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#74754 - 03/10/10 06:55 PM Re: Disguised In Disfigurement [Re: Killa4nia]
Cadence Offline
HeatdHeavy
Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 290
Loc: St. Elsewhere
this had a dark, melancholy tone to it but there was something very gentle about...

Originally Posted By: Killa4nia

alone, you lie uncared for; but
I can bare your body beyond the images,
for my vision of you is
untouched by judgement,
I wish you to unshelter your grace
remove you face and learn to
chase what you are afraid of ....

I chase with my tongue, unraveling
tight words you spoke to hide nerves
too unsteady to become real,
I kiss your skin 'til it's healed,
'til you are unscatched by the
fear of being loved for only your beauty;
unshield you from the
heavy exterior you wear
to ward off the
hardened stares

your beauty reflects a glare,
yet I soften my eyes,
my touch, and my pace

and love you before I see your real face



^ REALLY loving those verses, esp. the last 4 lines. seems to me you haven't lost your touch when it comes to poetry.
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#75005 - 03/13/10 05:50 PM Re: Disguised In Disfigurement [Re: Cadence]
abiona Administrator Offline
been there. done that.
Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 2021
Loc: wonderland
Quote:
as I find the absolute in the truth your
skin bares, scars to ward off the
hardened stares


I absolutely loved those lines.

Quote:
I wish you to unshelter your grace
remove you face and learn to
chase what you are afraid of ....


and those as well.

Haven't 'read' you in quite a while and this was a nice re-introduction. I love the imagery of skin and scars and beauty and how it all weaves together in this like a shield worn for shelter. The gentleness with which you attempt to lead into vulnerability is lovely.

I think there was some repetition that wasn't needed... and some of the wording could be stripped down (particularly because a less is more approach would further reinforce the sense of naked vulnerability)... but other than that, it was an enjoyable read.

now go write more!
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bring it.


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#75618 - 03/20/10 10:27 PM Re: Disguised In Disfigurement [Re: abiona]
A.Girl.Called.Adri Offline
I.D.G.A.F.
Registered: 03/15/09
Posts: 330
Loc: Everywhere, You Ain't Never Th...
I enjoyed this, largely because of the organization and structure. It was very well put together; line and stanza length were both nice. As far as content you did not disappoint. The word choice felt deliberate/thought out, and I enjoyed the overall tone.
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#77174 - 04/06/10 06:38 PM Re: Disguised In Disfigurement [Re: A.Girl.Called.Adri]
Killa4nia Offline
NotUrType
Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 1522
Loc: 408
Much 'preciated, ladies smile
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